Oh now what?

As if I wasn’t being invited to waste my money on enough things, along comes the company behind the Dettol brand with the invasion of yet another invented need.

Having responded to persuasive ecological forces by washing my clothes in progressively colder water, I’m now expected to believe that doing so leaves my washing a breeding ground for bacteria; bacteria which requires a special bacteria-destroying antibacterial treament. Otherwise I will probably be killed by my own washing machine. Revenge, presumably, for the fact that I had to disable the stupid jingle it used to play every time the washing cycle stopped. Bloody thing.

So that’s a third preposterous thing to put in my washing machine, along with a fabric conditioner which reportedly contains “black diamond and lotus flower” (yes of course it does) and a range of washing powders, capsules, liquids and tablets whose special cleansing properties and formulations fluctuate almost as much as their Brand Match-enhancing price tags.

Dettol indeed. Next they’ll be advising me to add TCP to the wash in order to fend off a sore throat.