Crap Slogans


No brand is complete without a crap, ungrammatical slogan.

You might expect that people whose living is made from the creation and maintenance of ‘brands’ might, as a point of personal pride given their awful choice of gainful employment, have even so much as a flimsy grasp of the mechanics of the language in which their trade is plied.

You might expect them to want to create brand constructs that don’t set the teeth on edge or have their potential customers mentally correcting their howlers.

You might. But you will be disappointed. Because the essential component of a modern brand is a nonsensical slogan, usually consisting of a verb and an adjective.

Drive confident.
Eat fresh.
Live strong.
Think different.
Leave happy.
Play thirsty.
Think small.
Travel well.
Fly right.
Be direct.
Think smart.

It doesn’t take much to correct any of these, of course. But we shouldn’t have to, any more than we should have to explain communication essentials to anyone who engages as follows:

How are you?

Yeah, I’m good.


Being passionate about

Companies can’t be passionate about anything.

If I see another slogan telling me that a flooring company is passionate about carpets and beds or a sandwich company is passionate about fillings or an insurance company is passionate about customer service, or a boiler company is passionate about central heating, I’m going to get passionate about how entire companies can’t really be passionate about weird, niche things.

Clearly, the odd geeky employee can have an unhealthy interest in their job, can overindulge in research and get excited when a radiator brand brings out a new model or whoop with misplaced excitement when a new ‘Cajun spiced’ (tsk) sandwich filling variant is launched. But for a whole company or – even worse – an abstract multinational brand, utilising a franchise model – to claim to be passionate about something is completely absurd.

A company can’t be passionate any more than a coffee table can be inebriated. So that’s not a thing either.